Weekly Wrap: Hay Bales. Elections. Dogs. And Devils.

An acquaintance from Toronto arrived recently for a visit to Israel. She marvels at how busy and buzzy things are in Tel Aviv. She cannot come up for air. The days whiz by.

All true. And a not small reason for my escape from Tel Aviv to kibbutz life in the south. Two years on I can say with clarity and certainty that the move saved me. Particularly since the current government coalition assumed power in Israel – officially in January 2023 (it always takes a few months to negotiate the terms of a governing coalition after an election) – life in Tel Aviv has been beyond frenetic.

Judicial reform. Constant demonstrations.

A pace of construction that continues to accelerate, making every outing a logistical challenge. What should take ten minutes can take 60. It is maddening and exhausting.

Constant tension – which is exacerbated by the population density and so much busy activity.

October 7. Hostage Square. Gloom. Everywhere. But it always feels more intense in Tel Aviv. Because. Tel Aviv.

April 13-14, 2024. First Iran attack on Tel Aviv. “Alert. Find safe shelter immediately. Israel is going to be under attack by waves of swarms of drones and missiles from Iran.”

Those may not be the exact words but they are close enough to the message sent on Saturday April 13, 2024 at around 8:45pm. All Israeli cell phones were overridden by the Home Front Command.

It was very, very scary.

Where I live now, I hear birds. Constantly. I work on my deck and watch the planting and growing and harvest seasons pass. I have grown to detest pigeons. The air is fresher, dryer and there is always a breeze. I have learned that dust comes in clumps. Huge clumps. Endless clumps. Vacuuming is futile. I now read articles about the physics of dust formation.

Seriously.

I have acquired a collection of dusting gadgets. Old fashioned feather dusters. Newfangled dusters with removable, washable parts. I have a collection of vacuum cleaners and related accessories. Two floors. Rugs. Tile. Bendable vacuums to reach under beds and furniture. Little vacuums that get into corners. I’m considering, seriously, the roving robot duster. Like – why not? I am a dust fiend. I live in a dustbowl and dust is my new obsession. I hate dust. Almost as much as mosquitoes.

The mosquitoes are so small that you cannot see them. But they find me. And devour sections of limbs in one sitting. Little teeny bites. Not like Canadian mosquitoes. As with everything in Israel, even the pests are tiny.

With the exception, of course, of cockroaches. They are the size of a small puppy.

So, yes, life on a kibbutz in the south is good. I am calmer. Day to day life is easier. Traffic is a joke. Grocery shopping is way cheaper and quicker. My pool is a dream. And now that Hamas has been suppressed, well, we don’t have rockets in these parts like we used to. And - I’m in Tel Aviv for my dose of urban-ness every week. Gotta maintain that edge.

But the idyll where I hide out these days has its sharp edges. too.

October 7 is our inescapable reality. Displaced members of Kibbutz Kfar Aza, one of the most ravaged on that horrible day, live in new neighborhoods built for them in my community. We all drive constantly on Road 232 – the main artery for Hamas slaughter that day. Memorials are scattered on roadsides everywhere you look. Bus stops which double as bomb shelters – each one has its singular, gruesome story.

And as we navigate this new reality – living in the midst of it all – we try to find a common language; a way to inhabit this physical place where it all went down, with the constant reminders. My friend who lives on a kibbutz that was miraculously passed over by Hamas on October 7, she sees herself as a positive type. She chooses to tune out politics and related matters. I think she finds it all kind of not positive. She sent me a message last week from the train, as she passed bales of hay. She saw this as something positive, a tangible reminder of the miracle of the amazing country we have built here and the hope for the next moment.

Me? I see the bales of hay, the same miracle, and allow myself to consider the very real possibility that this deeply divided and dysfunctional society may self-immolate. It’s not about being negative or lacking hope. I see it as being realistic and understanding the perilous moment in which we find ourselves. We must see the positive and reckon with the not so positive.

And this moment in Israeli there is a bewildering mix of each.

For decades, Israelis have chosen to tell themselves that “it’ll be ok.” But it may not, this time. And it behooves us all to face that prospect and marshal everything we can to prevent that outcome.

Which brings us to the upcoming election, and politics.

Elections in Israel must be held by the end of October, latest. I believe that the future of Israel – and the physical safety of Jews everywhere – turns on the outcome of this vote.

Especially since October 7, the government has been telling us, without pause, that we are one people, united. But that is not true. Israel today is comprised of at least three very autonomous societies. If they were to be mapped onto a Venn diagram there would be virtually no overlap.

A very powerful autonomous entity is the 15% of the population, which is ultra-orthodox, or haredi. The singular issue on which this population will vote is the military draft. Haredim are virulently opposed to serving the state in any capacity, including security. They supported the coalition government led by PM Netanyahu because of his promise to pass a law excluding their community members from any national service. Men and women. They oppose the modern iteration of the State of Israel as blasphemous. Only the Messiah can create the Jewish state. None of this is new. Or secret.

They do, however, manage to overcome their aversion to the heretical state and participate in its government; to demand and receive exceedingly generous life entitlements to enable them to maintain their lives of religious devotion, large families and little or no work.

I wrote about this phenomenon in a past issue of State of Tel Aviv. It is beyond ironic that in the 2000s, as Minister of Finance, Benjamin Netanyahu slashed haredi entitlements harshly. He said that the haredi expectations were simply not sustainable. In fact, in his memoir published when he was in the penalty box (opposition) from June 2021 to December 2022, he boasted about his achievements in managing haredi demands in a chapter entitled “Fat Man, Thin Man.” As is clear from the drawing, below, he likened the thin man to the majority of Israelis carrying financial and civic burdens. On their shoulders were the fat men - haredi men - who took and gave little.

In fact, I spoke earlier this week with former MK and founder of the new Oz party, Dr. Einat Wilf, about this extreme social imbalance. You will hear the podcast discussion with Einat soon, but when I asked about hard data, she had it. Haredim, she advised, receive a net benefit of NIS 15,000 per person. Everyone else? They give more - and have a net deficit in their financial relationship with the state, of NIS 10,000 per person. Facts. It is difficult - perhaps downright impossible - to justify and maintain this equation.

You can read State of Tel Aviv’s rendering of that issue here: stateoftelaviv.com/p/fat-man-thin-man-will-netanyahu-upend-his-economic-legacy

Back to election drama.

Early last week, Bibi’s ultra-orthodox coalition allies in the United Torah Judaism party had a chat with their leader in all matters spiritual and political, Rabbi Dov Lando. Upon learning that Netanyahu had told UTJ that there was no way that legislation legalizing the haredi shirking of military service, Rabbi Lando was furious. “Bibi lied. He cannot be trusted.” Such was the nature of the Rabbi’s epiphany. Rabbi Lando directed the UTJ MKs that the time had come to bolt the coalition and bring the House down. As in, the government coalition would collapse and new elections would be held, soonest.

It truly is all the haredim care about; ensuring that they shirk all forms of military and national service and that they continue to maximize all manner of financial support from the state.

They do not give a damn about the rest. The bales of hay? They don’t even see them, never mind ponder their signficance.

Below - a photo of Rabbi Lando from a year or two ago. I urge you to read the JPost article in the link underneath the picture. This is how serious things are in Israel today.

(For fun have a read of this article from 2015, in which Rabbi Lando is quoted for making very clear his contempt for Israel and Zionism: jpost.com/breaking-news/article-841327)

So, as if we have nothing more important going on here, this is what preoccupies our “leaders” these days.

The haredim want an election on September 1. That works out beautifully for them….at the end of their annual August vacation and before the extended period of high holiday observance begins. It’s early this year – Erev Rosh Hashanah begins on September 11.

For the rest of us, September 1 is not ideal. There’s the minor matter of the kickoff of the school year being on September 1. (Haredim have their own autonomous school system (funded by the state) in which they teach no “secular” subjects - like math, science or English - just religious studies all day long. This, of course, ensures that the graduates of their schools are ill, if at all prepared, to work, even in the. most menial jobs.) School buildings double as voting stations throughout the country, so mayhem upon chaos is not ideal planning. Haredim are dead set against any date between Rosh Hashanah and the last holiday, which falls on Sunday October 4. That’s eerily close to the third “anniversary” of October 7. So, Bibi is saying: “Gee. Let’s just make the election on the last day possible, by law, October 27, and call it a done deal.”

It is unclear whether an earlier or later date favors either constituency, but Netanyahu always errs on the side of buying time. Delay. Rag the puck. Run the clock.

Meanwhile, “Israel Our Home” party leader and former Netanyahu ally, now nemesis, Avigdor Liberman, showed up at Kibbutz Be’eri on Thursday May 14, using the border kibbutz that was viciously attacked on October 7 as his theatrical backdrop for a tete a tete with reporters.. His take? Bibi will look to spark a war in the very near future – maybe even re-start the Gaza conflict with Hamas – and use that emergency to legally delay the national vote and boost his standing among Israeli voters.

I’ve been anticipating a slippery move like that for months. It’s so consistent with Bibi’s style. And Lieberman understands how Bibi’s mind works. He was, after all, his closest aide in the late 90s. Lieberman has a good feel for what’s cooking.

The Kristof Thing

I will be brief. Some of you may not be aware of the Kristof fiasco. Others will have heard and read about it non-stop in recent days. I get into some graphic sexual comments in the next paragraph - be forewarned.

Here’s the lowdown: Two-time Pulitzer Prize winning New York Times columnist and former foreign correspondent, Nicholas Kristof, wrote an op-ed for the paper last week in which he reported, with supreme confidence, on systemic violent sexual abuse of Palestinian prisoners in Israel. Among his fabulist claims was the beyond sick and twisted assertion that the IDF trains dogs to rape – as in penetrate male prisoners - anally. In making this claim, Kristof relies upon an Israeli-American man who I will not name because he merits no further attention. He has less than no credibility and even admitted publicly that this dog claim he makes is unverified. Nevertheless, Kristof and the NYT not only relied upon this man’s information as evidence but they are digging in.

Since this debacle began, people have been sniffing around Kristof’s pedigree and past. Among other gems, someone turned up a long-ago published piece by Kristof memorializing his father. Turns out, his old man fought alongside the Nazis – like the real ones – during WWII. In Romania.

I sent him this inquiry. He has yet to reply:

Aside from the NYT, the only media to carry this sewage - the Kristof dog rape exclusive (that I’ve come across) - is a Turkish-owned outlet, TRT. I’m sure there are more but I don’t waste my time ferreting them out.

Well done, NYT. Quite the scoop.

Meanwhile, scores of canine experts the world over are stepping up to assert that the claim made in the NYT is absolute bunk. Kristof stands tall. He tells the world that he wrote it as an “opinion” piece. As if that somehow mitigates his toxicity and utter lack of professional ethics. Or any ethics. For that matter.

OK. Promise made, promise kept.

Close out each weekly wrap with light stuff.

My daughter who lives in the Tel Aviv area spontaneously hopped on a train on Friday afternoon. We drove to Be’er Sheva, a desert city with close to 250,000 residents now. We had a lovely dinner at a decent Asian restaurant (this is not Tel Aviv – almost nothing is open on shabbat in these parts). And then, The Devil Wears Prada!

The cinema was huge. Capacity of several hundred. No exaggeration – there were, at most, ten people in the theater. It was mindless, delightful fun.

The End.

Oh. Well, almost. As we were leaving I spotted one of those old photo booths. Remember - fellow boomers? They were in Kresge stores in the olden days – like WalMart today (for all you non-boomer readers).

Yes. It was silly and fun.

Happy Sunday – and have a great week.

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